sometimes i guess i let things get into my head. and sometimes it's just how others say it that makes it worse. But in a way, it knocks a ton of sense into me.

Sometimes, i feel as if i don't understand myself at all.
i have no idea what i want in life sometimes. which is sad. for some reason.

ANYWAY.
my last 2 months here before term 4 ends! i should be making the most out of it. :)
hehehe. omg, melb was super cold this morning. screw, why did i decide to wear shorts? :/ oh well, it was great seeing ppl back in Trinity i guess :D
MamaShan was back this morning <3 yay! hahah, now we can talk about BS till the cow comes home. lol.
Omg, i just found out today that G and C are going for prom together! wts~ i seriously don't feel like going to it anymore. like i don't wanna go there and like see them standing there tgtr. *G's so shy, what do u think will happen then? :/ you never know :/ * lol.
it was nice to see Charmaine and Felix! hahah. both of them cut their hair. Char cut Felix's hair, haha, it was okay in a way where it wasn't screwed up/ good. lol. hahah. Felix demanded an answer from me then. lol. Charmaine wasn't as bad as us (Spring music fest group), apparently, she changed her song like... 4 times already. LOL. hahaha. Felix has been asking me seriously weird questions, wonder what's his problem -.- Chemistry, as usual, was a bore, but i tried my best to pay attention. hahah. got a little info out of it. :D
walked with pui shan to meet heather outside gym. lol. Saw Charles on the way there. Charles has bigger arms. ZOMG!!!  T.T then we saw Dylan, haha. Pui shan so funny.


ahhhh, JERRY. GO STUDY NOW. YOU CAN DO IT. IT'S THE FINAL LAP! GO! GO! GO!
CASS, BALL, EMILY, MARCUS AND BONG!!!! HOPE UR PROMOS ARE ALRIGHT :D
JU, TRI AND NATE! DON'T SLACK IN POLY!
HOPE ALL YOU GUYS ARE GREAT.
MISS AND LOVE YOU A TON :)
HEHEH. <3

I'm kind of glad that no one from Trinity knows my blog.
Cause it's like i can say things freely here.
Thankfully :)

Anyway, Hilly, Heather and Sharon are in my room discussing for Spring Music Fest.
Like sometimes, i wish i had the talent to sing. I know I don't have a really good voice. But sometimes encouragement would be good. In a way, i don't know how to say it.
Like in the past, when we're singing ( Natalie and I) I kinda have encouragement from ppl. I don't know how to say it. But sometimes it feels when I'm rehearsing with them, it's like I'm not there at all. Like when Sharon records it, people can barely hear my voice. But If i sing louder, its like idk how to say. (i don't think its that out of tune, but it's just different). And the worse thing is that when i ask them to help me get more in tune, no one really wants to help. And like sometimes the things people say, makes me hurt sometimes. Like one of them said while they were rearranging the standing order, she was like " Claire, don't mind uh, we'll just count you out first:". :( And after they recorded it without me, Hilly was like.. this was so much nicer. Like it kinda breaks my heart. Now they're like talking about the group as if i'm invisible. would they like it if i did that to them??? sigh. Feel like quitting. ( But i don't wanna cause Hilly will be pissed) But at the same time, I don't think they'll mind me quitting cause it's as if i'm invisible. Feel like crying so badly after they leave my room. ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ):
On a happier note, I got Natalie's letter! YAY! :) heheh. Thanks Nat :) Love ya! :D

Jeremy, JIA YOU FOR O'S! YOU CAN DO IT :) Love ya bro! :D

xoxo;
Claire

Five hundred twenty-five thousand

Six hundred minutes,
Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Moments so dear.
Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Six hundred minutes
How do you measure, measure a year?

In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights
In cups of coffee
In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife.
In five hundred twenty-five thousand
Six hundred minutes
How do you measure
A year in the life?
How about love?
How about love?
How about love? Measure in love
Seasons of love. Seasons of love
Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Six hundred minutes!
Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Journeys to plan.
Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Six hundred minutes
How do you measure the life
Of a woman or a man.
In truths that she learned,
Or in times that he cried.
In bridges he burned,
Or the way that she died.
It's time now to sing out,
Tho' the story never ends
Let's celebrate
Remember a year in the life of friends
Remember the love!
Remember the love!
Seasons of love!
Oh you got to got to
Remember the love!
You know that love is a gift from up above
Share love, give love spread love
Measure measure your life in love.

Lessons start at 145 today! i'm so happy! but i still woke up at 8. lol. should have gone for breakfast with the girls. I'm super hungry now! Lucky i have a ton of things to do to before Siew Mein gets back from her morning lesson. We're going to the post office to collect my parcels!!! :) yay! can't wait. Urgh, last night's stupid 2 bag whole load of laundry is not dry. gonna rinse it agai and then dump it into the dryer upstairs. hope it's working *fingers crossed* :)


OH. there's something realy weird going on. when i saw the blog i was ... HUH???????? a ton of qn marks appeared. lol. um... i don't really know the situation but 1 things for sure.. HUH?? i know what i did. but.. do you have to be that.. cynical about it? idk if cynical's the right word for it. lol. I just realised that after every fight we had, i'll be the one who'd take the first step and apologise. Tell me something, when was there a point where after we had a fight, you had initiated the apology? don't you realise it's more of a one sided " i'm sorry, please forgive me while you get pissed at me" thing? I think i get what Natalie was trying to say to me the other day.. lucky i know... I remember the last fight we had was in.. june? and we fought over the stupidess tihng ever. quote by her " wts? he is making a mountain out of a molehill" and at that time, i couldnt tell you the truth. because right after i told you... nat said i couldnt tell anyone. so obviously i had to make it like a joke right -.- and then guess what? you did the most amazing thing ever, get pissed. well, i would be pissed if i were in ur position. but only for like.. a fraction of a minute? geez, since when were you so.. sigh, i just feel like i'm losing the friend i had made back then in secondary 2. Now, as we grow up, we know more things about the world. LIke what natalie told me once, it's really hard to keep a friendship when one of them always gets pissed so easily. it has to be tough on both sides. and i remembered that i kept sending you smses as an apology in june. you couldnt even bother to reply. even when nat needed help, you didnt reply, onyl until i stated the specifics. know what? i didnt even text my boyfriend at that point so that i could text you. i didnt want to exceed the sms limit, i had to sacrifice so much. in the end, bf got so pissed till we were fighting. i never told you this but whatever. in the end, i texted you quite a bit but still no reply. until you needed help, then you called me. i guess that's what you want, a friend to be ready at the background. and when i started hanging out more with marcus in.... jan? you got pissed too. omg. like what natalie said.. so drama. lol. i know what i'm saying makes me sound like someone who is the 'victim" now, but i;m not implying that. in every fight, we're both victims. only for the different reasons. There has been surveys done that shows how guys get easily angry. OMG. I SOUND LIKE MAUREEN NOW ( My wonderful psychology lecturer) im letting psychology get into my head! argh, i'm going to stop talking about this incident and what is going to happen to our friendship for now. if i continue talking about his, i'm gonna be cursing and swearing the whole day and i'll have Heather's What the eff face. LOL. for now, i guess we'll just have to stop talking to each other and .. whatever will be will be. if it's god's will that we are to remain friends then good, if it's not, then boohoo. I'm going back in April. wonder if the answer will be ready by then.... quoted by natalie again " if he keeps this on, just break the friendship" but.. i dont agree with that. which is a good thing right? :/

crap, my cousin just asked me for my geography notes. shit, it's with Jeremy, lol. double crap, my mom insists that i give it to her. triple crap, i'm here. jeremy's in singapore. = a whole lotta crap!

omg, i seriously can't wait to see Natalie, Juvelia and Jasmine!!! missed them so much!

Australia has made such a big difference in my life. In terms of the way i act and everything. Here, i'll think through things more throughouly before i say them (unless if i'm angry of course) , i learn to be more independant. Here, you'll meet friends that'll stand by you for life. we talk through things more rationally before getting into a fight. We know what's independant living and our general knowledge has all greatened.
Singapore? yes, there are some friends that will stick by you for life. But its only a little. some friends are friends that you just know. and what happens to them after a year, you can't be bothered to find out. wheras, Natalie, Juvelia, Jasmine etc etc have played a really big role in my life. and i love them for that, they've given me great advice. espescially Natalie. when i'm down and out, she's always there to give me good advice. i'll never forget what all of my close friends have done for me.

omg, i sound damn emo now right? lol.. nehh, it's not it. i jsut miss my family and friends.
just 2 days ago, i was talking to my mom on skype and i asked her if she was bored around the house since there's no one to shout at. she said.. yeah but very stress free. LOL. aww, <3 her :)

OMG. I'M SO PISSED.
once i'm here. i realised who my real friends are in singapore i mean. and i can definitely name them : Jasmine <3 , Natalie <3 , Juvelia <3 , Jeremy, Matthew, Serena ( lol, she's in melbourne) and marcus.

they've been asking how i've been. etc. except for one. which pisses me off. you should ask yourself these questions :

1. are you that sensitive?
2. what is wrong with you?
3. why do you take things to harshly?
4. are you that of a coward?
5. don't you miss me?

i guess he doesnt. i'm gonna make it damn obvious who it is here.... SCREW JAR**!!!!!!!
LOL. kinda retarded right ? :P

♥PEPSI COLA 1, 2, 3! ♥

hahaha. realised i'm like a pepsi cola bottle. lol. like, pssss.... anger. then when you open the bottle, BOOM! ( esp when you shake it ) . anger explodes. then calm down. lol.
you know why i can explode when the bottle opens? cause someone shaked it. :P
i don't think it's fully my fault when i explode. really. and i'm not that kind of person who gets pissed off at ppl for no reason. someone has to make me really angry. and come to think of it... i don't really explode in school.. like less than 5 times? lol. whatever~

yesterday i was pissed off too. at a little 5 year old. lol. but whatever~ i also throw my tantrums sometimes so... whatever~ :)

i promised i won't get mad at anyone this year. damn.
but it's so hard...
whatever~

anyway, another 3 more d

ays then i'm on board a plane and back to singapore! :D
my beloved home. to my beloved friends. back to see my beloved dad and family! ♥♥
oohhh i miss all my friends too!  especially Juvelia, Tricia, Cassandra, Natalie, Jeremy, Marcus, Jasmine, Jonathan and Natasha. ♥ and we all have to go out once i'm back cause i miss everyone there!!! :)

hope i don't get too jet-lagged. lol.
and i'm almost done packing.like i just need to stuff my shoes and my sweaters in and I'M DONE! woohoo!
aw man! today need to sleep on the soft bed. shit, i could'nt sleep on that bed. TOO SOFT :P
hopefully i can sleep on that bed tonight :) please please please :)

i'm listening to all the old songs :) it's been a long time since i've listened to them. lol.

xoxo; clairemarie

 kellie pickler: didn't you know how much i loved you

I remember the way you made love to me
Like I was all you'd ever need
Did you change your mind
Well I didn't change mine
Now here I am trying to make sense of it all
We were best friends now we don't even talk
You broke my heart
Ripped my world apart

Didn't you know how much I loved you
Didn't you know how much I loved you, baby
I gave you everything, every part of me
Didn't you feel it when I touched you
Didn't I rock you when I loved you, baby
Baby, tell me
Didn't you know how much I loved you

I can't get you out of my head
I still feel you in this bed
Left me all alone
You couldn't be more gone
From falling apart to fighting mad
From wanting you back to not giving a BLEEP
I've felt it all
I've been to the wall

Didn't you know how much I loved you
Didn't you know how much I loved you, baby
I gave you everything, every part of me
Didn't you feel it when I touched you
Didn't I rock you when I loved you, baby
Baby, tell me
Didn't you know how much I loved you

One day justice will come and find you
And I'll be right there in your memory to remind you

Didn't you know how much I loved you
Didn't you know how much I loved you, baby
I gave you everything, every part of me
Didn't you feel it when I touched you
Didn't I rock you when I loved you, baby
Baby, tell me

Didn't you know how much I loved you
Didn't you know how much I loved you, baby
I gave you everything, every part of me
Didn't you feel it when I touched you
Didn't I rock you when I loved you, baby
Baby, tell me
I gave you everything, every part of me

everything just changed ,idk.one moment you treat me so well. then the next, you treat me like crap. why??? i dont get it. isit smthg i did/said that caused the change?? tell me! i'm not a mind reader, so i cant read what's oon your mind. i made the effort, but you didnt. i saw you online, i left a msg. no reply. whatever~ i just want an answer, i dont want to keep things hanging. yes, maybe i should give you more space instead of insisting that you talk to me all the time. for that, i'm sorry. but i've only been able to talk to you on skype like monday? and i havent seen you in like... so many months! when i saw you, i felt so happy.
now, the way you talk to me is so different. i just cant stand it. i cant bear it. its making my moods so... URGHH!


anw, went to pacific mall this afternoon. at first i thought it was gg be boring. but after i found some stuff, i kinda enjoyed my time :)
then came home, watched watchmen with edwin and june. i dont even understand the movie. and its like so sexual uh -.- june even asked me to close my eyes. lol =.=

then packed abit of stuff. but plan failed because i was distracted.lol. i know i'm making excuses ;/ then played guitar /taked/socialised with edwin for abt 1 hr plus? :)

fuck la, i'm super pissed and upset because of these few reasons :

1. just because your daughter is here you become like fuck uh. scold me like 3 times alr??? fuck you la knn. maybe it's because ur're like that. that's why your own daughter don't even want to contact you for 14 years. it's your fault.
2. i don't eat spicy food. i hate spicy food. so what if it's nice? i don't give a fuck abt it. so don't force me to eat it. saying that it's all in the mind. fuck. it's the same thing. if i ask you to eat something sweet. you say its too sweet. BUT ITS ALL IN THE MIND. what fucking training you talking abt? GAD la.
3. CHINESE FOOD CHINESE FOOD EVERYDAY! - ALMOST!
4. OLD PPL DON'T WANT TO GO OUT.
5. i don't have my friends here to talk to through text.
6. i miss every single one of my friends.
7. my mom thinks i'm sensitive because i wen t upstairs after what my aunt said -.- that's fucking more lame right? =.= seriously? nif i was sensitive, i wouldnt even dare talk back to her =.= lame loser -.-
8. my tummy's not well and it's making everything so screwed up!
9. i'm bored when i'm left with all the aunties -.-
10. i'm not a mind reader, so i don't know what you think. so if you want to tell me something. speak your mind -.-! don't play games with me -.-

bitch face la that older woman. daughter here alr, smile smile smile everyday. even bread that she doesnt want must force daughter to take. -.- so  lame la u!
and although she has a nice house. but she's just too bitch too. i don't like her although she's mom's friend. treat Kim like fuck liddat. i pity Kim.
i realize Kim and I have loads in common. :) oh god! i love her :0 she's so fun and nice to play with or even as a companion. wish she was in Singapore or even here with me :(

Anyway, i went for a hike with Uncle Frank ( aunt Evelyn's husband) this morning. their house is beautiful. we walked through the snow, down steep slopes and up and walked along the main road to reach back at her house. was about an hour long? and he showed me interesting and beautiful views. there was one that he showed me was that there was a shipwreck many years ago. and the ship's still there. LOL.

anyway, i love kim and uncle frank :)

oh. I also love Edwin and Julie too! :) Lea and Larraine also!!! :) Michelle and June too.

xoxo; ClaireMarie

-like are you the one, should i really trust-

holy smoke! i can't belief june managed to pull emily and i for muay thai! hahaha! it was really fun and exciting! loved it!!!

exactly abt a mth's time!